Tree Surgeon..........

The other week when Wilt was away he had a letter from the local Council advising that his large tree at the back of his garden and was overgrown.

Wilt sent the nice man a, for him, very positive and courteous reply.  It is overgrown, and the tree too!

Anyway, finding a properly qualified tree surgeon is harder than you think, and it is a large tree.

About 12 months ago a man knocks on the front door advising me that a couple of trees at the front of the house could do with a trim and he could do it at a reasonable price. “OK” says Wilt (like a jerk) and the man hacks away at the branches and carries off the wood in the back of his van – job done, money paid. Wilt felt satisfied that he had supported local business, which he regards as very important – a further example the Wilt’s have their milk delivered by the local milkman (a small family business) albeit at a much higher price than if the milk was purchased at Mr Sainsbury’s. Likewise meat from the butchers and veg from the local farm shop – it all helps to keep local business (and employment) running. Anyway you get the idea – buy local and British.

You see Wilt is always bemused by these chaps who during the World Cup (either rugby or football) fly the St Georges Cross from their car windows but are driving a BMW or some other foreign motor. If they are so fucking patriotic why do they not buy British? Wilt does and has almost always done so, after he got the “boy racer” period over with the help of his former sporty Italian cars.

Anyway, back to the trees at the front of the house . Mrs Wilt kept saying to Wilt, “You know that one tree looks dead.” Wilt pretending to be knowledgeable on such matters dismissed the observation and said “no, it is just a little distressed and will grow back.”

That was when the Wilt’s had two trees on the front lawn – a largish lawn. They now have just the one! The other one required a little more “trimming” with a bloody large fucking chain saw – all that remains is a stump, albeit Wilt passes it off to friends, family and neighbours as a “garden feature!”

As for the said overgrown tree at the back of the house, that needs some serious attention. Hence this time a proper tree surgeon is required.

Wilt telephones the local council – “hello, this overgrown tree problem, do you have a list of tree surgeons I might be able to consult?”

Council employee: “We do have tree surgeons but they only work for us.”

Wilt: “Sorry you misunderstand me, do you have a list of private contractors which I could consult.”

Council employee: “Oh so you intend to do the work then.”

Wilt: <pause> “no, I thought I would phone you just for a chat!”

Council employee: “Ah well you see lots opf people telephone and say they are going to do the work, when they don’t.”

Wilt: <pause again, a little longer> “I sent you a letter explaining I would sort it out.”

Council employee: “So when exactly, can I say by next week?”

Wilt: <loses the will to live> “Um, well that depends on if I can find a tree surgeon and when they can do the work.”

Council employee: “Our tree surgeons only do work for the council.”

Wilt: <now utterly frustrated> Yes, and in what way does that help me? My query was do you have a list of tree surgeons that the public might use?”

Council employee: <mumbles in background to colleague> “We are not aware of any tree surgeons. I will update the system <some database> that you will be doing the work.”

Wilt: <lost for words> “OK, thank you for not helping me today.”

What is fucking wrong with these people?

Is it any wonder why the general public feel so bemused by the local services offered by their ‘public servants.’ What was intended to be a ‘public service query’ transpired into an interrogation of the very same public who pay those (so called) ‘public servants’ wages.

Eric Pickles, where are you mate? Please give some relief to Wilt.

No sooner asked and this appears in the news: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/10517915.stm

Eric the man does come to the rescue – I only hope he reads my blog. He might deduce that some “surgery” in environmental services is necessary. Sadly his CV does not list ‘tree surgery’ as one of his vocations, otherwise he would get the job.

For Gawd sake!

Wilt