Holiday reading.....

OK Sam Cam might go on holiday and give birth, but Wilt is hoping Mrs Wilt will not be doing the same. The bloody kids we have cost an arm and a leg as it is. Hence serious abstinence from sexual relations, except when Mrs Wilt cannot resist Wilt's muscles (no, I said muscles not mussels Judy D - get a fucking grip). On second thoughts, do not get a grip - it might hurt me.

Wilt has however become again a great uncle with a 10lb very healthy boy – his father is a, not well known yet, rather large rugby player who has a menacing smile capable of putting the fear of life in one at 1000 paces. Nevertheless he is something of a gentle giant, thankfully as he is the partner of Wilt’s favourite niece. I aint going to fucking argue with him – I will get Mrs Wilt or Salty Dog to do so if necessary.

Seriously, we wish all three very well and a rather large cheque is in the post to help the happy couple wet the baby’s head. We drink, albeit some hundreds of miles away, to their good health and future wellbeing.

Wilt is not yet a grandfather – with luck he may never be. He does not go in for this granddad pushing a pushchair or pram around the local park – OK taking the kid with Salty Dog to the pub might be alright but even that does not cause us to salivate. No, we rather prefer to think of retirement, bit more immediately our upcoming holiday (less Salty Dog – ‘it’ has to keep an eye on Regulator Watch) with Mrs and Ms Wilt.

The combination of thoughts about Sam Cam, Prime Ministers, children and retirement has reminded me of our old friend Tony Blair.

Now I know Wilt will not be popular in stating the following, but he did actually like Tony Blair – indeed we still rather like the bloke. OK, he was rather over friendly with that George W bloke (you know the odd fucker from the Whitehouse) but sometimes you cannot choose your friends, any more than you can choose your family – although Wilt has an excellent family and friends, thank you – especially that big rugby player bloke with a (for Gawd sake) 10lb baby.

I am of two minds. Do I buy his memoirs or not. I need a book or several for the trip to Egypt – however there is a risk of running into a radical Muslim or several who might take displeasure at my choice of reading material – I suppose I could give the book a false jacket, something along the lines of the Crusades. Mmmmm, perhaps not!

Seriously, I am thinking of buying it – it’s for a charitable cause and an excellent charity will benefit, the Royal British Legion. Besides, it might mention Wilt – oh yes he did associate with that Cherie Booth woman once upon a time when she was a lowly Barrister (QC actually) in Chambers and Tony a mere New Labour leader – Wilt instructed Cherie in a staff disciplinary case. She was then an expert in employment law.

Oh yes, Wilt gets about you know – he has a long list of famous persons he has met. He even once, wait for it, met Ken Dodd with his tickling stick at, I think it was, the London Palladium. Wilt was but a mere child at the time.

Whereas Blair may have taken us to war in Iraq (make of that what you will) he was less successful in keeping Gordon Brown out of 10 Downing Street http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/tony-blair/7969925/How-Bush-and-Blair-plotted-in-secret-to-stop-Brown.html or ensuring (opposed by Brown) that there were proper reforms in public service – that has been left to our man Dave and in particular Eric Pickles, bless them both.

Talking of Brown, where the fuck is he? Actually, thinking about it, we do not give a shit where he is.

Anyway, apart from some Tom Sharpe material and Tony Blair’s book, does anyone have any other suggestions for reading material?

And no, File Doctor, before you suggest it, I do not want to take any large black file with me concerning Elizabeth. Jesus Christ man, get a grip.

Wilt